How to be Argumentative without Getting Personal


Debating in the forums can be a lot of fun.  In the heat of
debate, however, all of us get carried away sometimes.  These are
a few guidelines to follow in order to avoid going beyond the
bounds of forum politeness.

1. Whenever possible, give abstract examples, not examples
derived from the individuals with whom you are debating. For
instance:  "You say that you don't experience any health problems
from smoking, but I notice that you were sick with brochitis
earlier this year," is going to be more offensive than "Many
smokers may deny that they experience health problems as a result
of smoking, but, in fact, such illnesses as bronchitis and
sinusitis are more common among smokers than non-smokers."
 
(An exception to this guideline would be when someone posts a msg
asking for advice or giving his case as an example of something
that is being discussed.  Even then, however, it is good to avoid
"jumping all over" the person who spoke up and made a personal
revelation.)   

2. If you ask a personal question and the other person answers,
don't assume that he or she is willing to shift the focus of the
discussion to his/her personal life. In particular, don't assume
that the person is willing to have you comment on his/her life
and judge it.  For ex., if you ask someone and she/he admits to
being gay, this is not the moment to tell him/her that you
disapprove of the gay lifestyle.

3. When discussing an issue with someone who doesn't seem to be
very smart, try not to mention your opinion of that person's low
intelligence.  In particular avoid condescending comments like
"you are so naive!" or "how can you be so foolish?".  If you must
comment, stick to the level of the ideas, not the person's
ability/personality. (Ex. "The ideas you are expressing seem a
bit naive to me.")

4. When disagreeing with someone, try to avoid paraphrasing (and
possibly misrepresenting that person's position).  Identify the
msg from which you are quoting and quote a specific,
representative part of the msg.  (Don't get carried away and
quote the entire msg, however!)  

5.  Whenever possible, phrase your comments so that they focus on
your reaction to a message or idea rather than a judgment of the
person who wrote the message.  (For example, "The views that
Cissy Comp presents seem mistaken to me" rather than "Cissy Comp
is wrong.")

6.   Refrain from sarcasm and wit at the expense of others. 
Although many examples of "wit at the expense of others" are not
in violation of the forum rules, they often lead to escalating
hostilities between participants in a debate.

7.  Comments about "third parties" -- that is, about other forum
members who may read the message you are posting --  also need to
follow the guidelines listed above.   Few things are are more
offensive than to watch/hear oneself being discussed by others.


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Below are some common errors in presenting/stating our positions
in a debate and some suggested ways of revising/rephrasing:


[NO!!!] "You are an idiot if you believe...."

[OKAY]  "The position you are presenting doesn't sound very
smart."

[YES!!] "I can't agree with what you are saying.  You need to    

consider....."


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[NO!!!] "Your lifestyle is immoral!  You are going to Hell!"

[OKAY]  "According to my beliefs, your lifestyle is immoral and
will be punished by God."

[YES!!] "I am disturbed by what your lifestyle represents. It
seems to go against my beliefs." 

[EVEN BETTER] "Although I wouldn't choose it for myself, I
respect your right to have your own lifestyle."

***NOTE: This is an issue upon which it is best not to comment
unless asked to specifically.

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[NO!!!] "You are doing permanent damage if you spank your kids. A
swat in the behind is nothing but child abuse."

[OKAY]  "I am disturbed to hear that you spank your kids and,    
though it is none of my business, I hope you will reconsider."

[YES!!!]"I would never spank my kids because I believe that it is
the same as child abuse.  However, I can respect your different
opinion."

***NOTE: This is an issue upon which it is best not to comment
unless asked to specifically.

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[NO!!!] "You liberals (or "you conservatives," or "you men" or
"you atheists" or whatever).

[OKAY]  "Most people who express a liberal point of view...."(or
whatever)

[YES!!]  "The liberal views you present ..."

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[NO!!!]  "What kind of a moron are you?"

[YES!!]  "Have you thought this issue through?"

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[NO!!!]  "John User and his friends are [negative comment]"

[OKAY]   "People like John User and his friends are, in my
opinion, [negative comment]."

***NOTE: Tread lightly here.  Sometimes there is no way to soften
a negative comment or make it less personal.

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[NO!!!]   "You are lying."

[YES!!]   "You are mistaken.  Please check your facts."

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[NO!!!]  "All women (or men, or Catholics or whatever) are
______"


[OKAY]   "Most women (or men, or Catholics or whatever) are
______"


[YES!!]   "In my experience, most of the women (etc.) that I've
met are ________."

***NOTE:  The blank should never be filled with something that is
offensive in itself.  In other words "liars" or "cheats" would
make any of the statements above unacceptable.

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[NO!!!]  "Jack Poster is showing his ignorance when he states..."

[YES!!]  "Jack Poster seems to me to be misinformed on the
subject when he states..."

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[NO!!!]  "You have no right to post your opinions in this section
because you do not belong to our group"

[YES!!!]  "Please do not present your views as those of the
majority of this section."

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[NOT GOOD] "The only truth is that _____"

[YES!!]    "I believe that the truth is that _____"

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